Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Conversation is dead

I find it hard to write down my emotions in other than my mother tongue, but somehow I feel liberated whenever I express my feelings in English. It sounds strange, but in this way my emotions become universal and understandable to wider range of people. I wish I could explain this to you, so I will try. I have a problem with connecting, really connecting with people. Most of my encounters with others end with me shutting down whenever I feel like I am not listened to. I am known as " a listener", I am a person who is compassionate, understandable, an advice giver. Sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of, because people tend to suck me into their own drama. I end up feeling exhausted and not wanting to talk or see them again. One of my friends tells me that I am a magnet for emotional vampires.Whenever I try to talk and share my feelings or problems, these people interrupt me, they loose eye contact, become restless, impatient and start talking about themselves again. I shut down, build a wall and do everything to avoid them. It makes me feel sad, because I miss a real converstaion with someone other than my husband. I am tired of listening to other people's monologues about their health, love life, marital problems, even their sex life. I am sick and tired. So, I write. I write in my mother tongue, in English, in Greek. I do it because I want to be listened to and appreciated for being a good listener, a friend, a good 'psychologist'. I don't really care if anyone reads this, just being able to write it down, as I said in one of my previous posts, makes me feel better. The art of real converstaion is dead; facebook, mobile phones, email, chat took over our lives creating a new way of communicating without really having to...talk. But, it's not only this. I believe that people can't really understand the wastness of universe, they still have the mentality that everything revolves around them. That's how they were raised, that's how they are raising their children: "You are the center of the world. Only you and your feelings are important." People have lost the ability to talk, most of them do not know how to have a real conversation, to put themselves in other people's shoes, to listen, really listen with their hearts and souls. I miss that. I want that. Is it too much to ask?

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